My life has kind of taken a turn to something that I am unsure of. My horse went into a direction which has been dark and unknown. It has left me in tears and anger and lonely at times. I am trying to HARDEST to take it day by day and not to think about it often. It could be weeks or even months until I get myself back to what I want to be. A big part of me has left, he just decided that it was too much and left.
So, like I used to do when work got stressfull this spring and I was having a rough patch, I am going to TRY to keep a journal of things that has made my day. It'll keep me moving. All though, I am sure I will hit a rough moment here and there, what can you expect after being with someone for three years and then losing that.
Good things of the day:
Pool time with Liz
Music from Pandora.com. Discovering some awesome artists!
Getting an email from my pilates instructor wondering where I've been.(I have taken an hiatus from lessons until I can get a better schedule. Good to know I've been missed!)
A delicious chicken enselada which I made myself!
5 days until I am home with friends and family!!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Life Paths
Being young and out in the wide world can be scary. As a 20 something year old, we experience a lot of different changes in life as we try to figure out what it all means. We are trying to figure out what we want our career to be, who we really are, establishing relationships and making personal and professional connections.
One obstical I have found as a 20 something year old is making friends. It was so easy to make friends in college, there were people trying to get to the same goal and at the same part of their lives living right next to us or with us. We were all on a journey into adulthood and the roads a bit complicated to steer around.
One of those road is meeting people and making friends. It's not as easy as we were in college, where we were all on the same path in life and were living down the hall or with each other. College kind of forced us to make friends because with out that, we could go crazy just doing school work. But then we all graduated and were set out into the big wide world of adulthood. We don't know our next door neighbors(I never have even said hi to them), we are working 9-5 jobs just trying to pay rent and the town is made up of college students and families. We don't blend in with the college students because they are all about drinking and partying, still trying to figure out what they will do after college or the next day.
It kind of puts you in an awkward position when you do try to meet people. If you meet someone who you think is cool and you get along with, do you say "hey, want to be my friend?" Kind of odd....Or do you say "hey, want to meet up for coffee or something?" For some reason, I think it was easier asking a guy out than asking someone to hang out with you. All of these thoughts go through your head while you make the decision to ask someone to "get together". Do they not want to make any new friends? Do they already have a group of friends they hang with? Are you making a good impression, or are you scaring them away? Do you sound like an idiot asking? And so many more....
Then, once someone says "lets meet up." You start to wonder what it will be like. How do you start a conversation that you don't know well? Will this person seem cool? What if its just awkward and strange, do you end that "friendship" or do you continue? Will this person want to hang out all of the time when you just want someone to hang out with when you aren't insanely busy with work and relationship life? Or will this person decide not to hang out with you again? I guess the best thing you can do is try it and if it doesn't work, then there wasn't much to lose. Right?
And you are out on that path again, trying to meet people. Why can't that part of adulthood be easier? Finding friends was a lot easier when we were little, if someone liked the same colors you did, then they were your friend.
Life is just one big path to go on and sometimes it takes you where you want to go and sometimes it takes you on unpredicted places.
One obstical I have found as a 20 something year old is making friends. It was so easy to make friends in college, there were people trying to get to the same goal and at the same part of their lives living right next to us or with us. We were all on a journey into adulthood and the roads a bit complicated to steer around.
One of those road is meeting people and making friends. It's not as easy as we were in college, where we were all on the same path in life and were living down the hall or with each other. College kind of forced us to make friends because with out that, we could go crazy just doing school work. But then we all graduated and were set out into the big wide world of adulthood. We don't know our next door neighbors(I never have even said hi to them), we are working 9-5 jobs just trying to pay rent and the town is made up of college students and families. We don't blend in with the college students because they are all about drinking and partying, still trying to figure out what they will do after college or the next day.
It kind of puts you in an awkward position when you do try to meet people. If you meet someone who you think is cool and you get along with, do you say "hey, want to be my friend?" Kind of odd....Or do you say "hey, want to meet up for coffee or something?" For some reason, I think it was easier asking a guy out than asking someone to hang out with you. All of these thoughts go through your head while you make the decision to ask someone to "get together". Do they not want to make any new friends? Do they already have a group of friends they hang with? Are you making a good impression, or are you scaring them away? Do you sound like an idiot asking? And so many more....
Then, once someone says "lets meet up." You start to wonder what it will be like. How do you start a conversation that you don't know well? Will this person seem cool? What if its just awkward and strange, do you end that "friendship" or do you continue? Will this person want to hang out all of the time when you just want someone to hang out with when you aren't insanely busy with work and relationship life? Or will this person decide not to hang out with you again? I guess the best thing you can do is try it and if it doesn't work, then there wasn't much to lose. Right?
And you are out on that path again, trying to meet people. Why can't that part of adulthood be easier? Finding friends was a lot easier when we were little, if someone liked the same colors you did, then they were your friend.
Life is just one big path to go on and sometimes it takes you where you want to go and sometimes it takes you on unpredicted places.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Mother nature has her plans
Have you ever wondered why is it after something big has hit the news another story breaks out? It happens every where for everything. The world gets bored of one thing and moves on to the next. People are bored of Lindsey Lohan, so they move on to Charlie Sheen. But in a few weeks that will get old, so they will move onto the next.
Or in more important events, the riots in Egypt was big for awhile, then Wisconsin news broke out and spread around the the US. But soon that will grow old, now that even bigger events has happened(ie. Japan tsunami) Even though the old news still lingers in our papers, magazines and TV stations, room opens up for more life changing events. Then it makes you wonder, "maybe it could really be worse."
Not saying that someone elses news is more important that anther's, but the world does not stop for anyone, nature doesn't stop and wait, it just happens.
I had to try to explain this to my student after our week off. She was sick the last two days of school before we had our break, and during those days she was missing, we got to observe tiny little trout eggs before they were about to hatch. Then, during break the miracle of life happened and they hatched! Only person to see that was our teacher.
For an autistic student, this was hard to understand. The question of "why didn't I get to see the trout eggs? why didn't I get to see them hatch?"
I had to explain in the simplest way that life just does not wait for people. If they are ready to hatch they will hatch. They do not mean to do this to make anyone upset or unhappy, they do not have favorites. They just simply feel ready to be born and live life as fish. These things happen all of the time.
One student tried to chime in that when a baby is born, and the dad is not there to witness that, the baby will not wait, just simply because it is time to come out.
Of course my student did not understand this and I had to let it be. Maybe some day she will understand that life simply does not have any specific plan. Life does what it wants to and when it wants, that is just how it is.
This made me think about a lot of things in life. For example, you might think that what is happening in your life is so important that all other news should stop, its human to be that way. My psychology books has explained this better. But that does not mean that all life should be put on hold, because more events will happen no matter what you want or think. Once again, that is just how it is
This has recently think about life changing events in our world today. Being only an observer of the news of which is happening in Wisconsin or even in Egypt, I get a pretty clear picture of how media looks at events. Right after the riots in Egypt start to settle down, rally's in Wisconsin start to take place and the news spreads like wildfire in no time. We think for a time that this is the only thing going on in the world that is worth while until something bigger happens, tsunami hits Japan and takes whole cities and several of hundreds of lives with it. Although we know that our news will still be in the papers, we forget that it will take back page and let the world focus on Japan. It's hard to decide which to focus on, being an observer of all of this, I find myself in that whole asking "what is more important?" The answer to that is simple, neither. They both have important issues, some just might not be as important to others. For example, if we asked a Japanese resident if they thought the news in Wisconsin was more important than what just happened to them, for them it would be the tsunami, of course. Does that say that they don't care about our issues and we don't care about theirs? No. Not at all. Through all catastrophe's that has happened in the past few years, we have shown compassion and loyalty to the other countries, supporting in time of need, showing that we do care.
But when the time comes when we often think negatively about our lives, thinking that things can't get any worse, we often forget that they can and possibly will.I know for a fact, that I am one of the people in that categories. I often have complained that I am unhappy at work or that I am stuck in a rut, forgetting that there are people out there living on penny's with out a job. Or people out there who have lost their homes and families to natural disasters. For me, that is worse. So, i take back my negative thoughts and put forward some positive thoughts and prayers towards those who need it the most. I wont tell anyone to do the same, but hope that people take this to mind at least, it helps to get through a rough day, that's for sure.
I'll always remember that like the trout eggs,mother nature doesn't wait. It will happen when it happens and we just need to be prepared and do the best we can with what we've got.
Or in more important events, the riots in Egypt was big for awhile, then Wisconsin news broke out and spread around the the US. But soon that will grow old, now that even bigger events has happened(ie. Japan tsunami) Even though the old news still lingers in our papers, magazines and TV stations, room opens up for more life changing events. Then it makes you wonder, "maybe it could really be worse."
Not saying that someone elses news is more important that anther's, but the world does not stop for anyone, nature doesn't stop and wait, it just happens.
I had to try to explain this to my student after our week off. She was sick the last two days of school before we had our break, and during those days she was missing, we got to observe tiny little trout eggs before they were about to hatch. Then, during break the miracle of life happened and they hatched! Only person to see that was our teacher.
For an autistic student, this was hard to understand. The question of "why didn't I get to see the trout eggs? why didn't I get to see them hatch?"
I had to explain in the simplest way that life just does not wait for people. If they are ready to hatch they will hatch. They do not mean to do this to make anyone upset or unhappy, they do not have favorites. They just simply feel ready to be born and live life as fish. These things happen all of the time.
One student tried to chime in that when a baby is born, and the dad is not there to witness that, the baby will not wait, just simply because it is time to come out.
Of course my student did not understand this and I had to let it be. Maybe some day she will understand that life simply does not have any specific plan. Life does what it wants to and when it wants, that is just how it is.
This made me think about a lot of things in life. For example, you might think that what is happening in your life is so important that all other news should stop, its human to be that way. My psychology books has explained this better. But that does not mean that all life should be put on hold, because more events will happen no matter what you want or think. Once again, that is just how it is
This has recently think about life changing events in our world today. Being only an observer of the news of which is happening in Wisconsin or even in Egypt, I get a pretty clear picture of how media looks at events. Right after the riots in Egypt start to settle down, rally's in Wisconsin start to take place and the news spreads like wildfire in no time. We think for a time that this is the only thing going on in the world that is worth while until something bigger happens, tsunami hits Japan and takes whole cities and several of hundreds of lives with it. Although we know that our news will still be in the papers, we forget that it will take back page and let the world focus on Japan. It's hard to decide which to focus on, being an observer of all of this, I find myself in that whole asking "what is more important?" The answer to that is simple, neither. They both have important issues, some just might not be as important to others. For example, if we asked a Japanese resident if they thought the news in Wisconsin was more important than what just happened to them, for them it would be the tsunami, of course. Does that say that they don't care about our issues and we don't care about theirs? No. Not at all. Through all catastrophe's that has happened in the past few years, we have shown compassion and loyalty to the other countries, supporting in time of need, showing that we do care.
But when the time comes when we often think negatively about our lives, thinking that things can't get any worse, we often forget that they can and possibly will.I know for a fact, that I am one of the people in that categories. I often have complained that I am unhappy at work or that I am stuck in a rut, forgetting that there are people out there living on penny's with out a job. Or people out there who have lost their homes and families to natural disasters. For me, that is worse. So, i take back my negative thoughts and put forward some positive thoughts and prayers towards those who need it the most. I wont tell anyone to do the same, but hope that people take this to mind at least, it helps to get through a rough day, that's for sure.
I'll always remember that like the trout eggs,mother nature doesn't wait. It will happen when it happens and we just need to be prepared and do the best we can with what we've got.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Riding that horse
My parents have always told me to "ride the horse in the direction it takes you" when it comes to thinking about the future. That is one word of advice that I keep telling myself lately, to just "ride that horse."But lately that horse has been a bit confused as well, he doesn't know which way to go at the moment.
So much going on, so many options and possibilities out there, and all I can think about is "which one is RIGHT for me?" What do you do if there are so many things you want and you can't chose which one? "What If" always enters my mind when I am given many opportunities at once and it does stress me out a bit. I've always been someone who can't go with the flow when it comes to the future. I can go with the flow if its just every day things, but when it comes to whats going to happen in the few months or year, I need to know.
So what do I do, I keep telling myself "ride that horse", it'll take me in the right direction. I just wish that this "horse" knew where he was going so I could get moving!
So much going on, so many options and possibilities out there, and all I can think about is "which one is RIGHT for me?" What do you do if there are so many things you want and you can't chose which one? "What If" always enters my mind when I am given many opportunities at once and it does stress me out a bit. I've always been someone who can't go with the flow when it comes to the future. I can go with the flow if its just every day things, but when it comes to whats going to happen in the few months or year, I need to know.
So what do I do, I keep telling myself "ride that horse", it'll take me in the right direction. I just wish that this "horse" knew where he was going so I could get moving!
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